Transcript

Transcript of last night's chatter from my closeted roommate:

[Me in bed under covers, lights out. Roommate browsing on computer.]
ROOMMATE: Is there a comprehensive guide to all the bugs in the world?
There doesn't seem to be. I wonder if there would be interest in something like that. Do you think there would be interest in a comprehensive guide to insects?
ME (sleepily): Why?
ROOMMATE: So that people could identify the bugs in their food. That way there wouldn't be all that craziness over kashrut with strawberries. People would be able to examine their fruit much more easily. Do you think that would be useful?
ME: A bug is a bug
ROOMMATE: No--some are kosher. Let's see what else is available
[several more minutes of chatter from ROOMMATE omitted. ROOMMATE goes to bed finally and gets into bed. Then starts fiddling with the window next to his bed. Then starts slamming the windows closed]
ROOMMATE: Do you have a hammer?
ME: No
ROOMMATE: Do you have something I could use as a hammer?
ME: No
ROOMMATE: Do you know anyone in the dorm with a hammer?
[I do not answer. Roommate gets up and goes outside]
ROOMMATE: Does anyone here have a hammer? [No answer] Oh well--I bet I could use my Shabbat shoe. [Several loud bangs then start coming from the window. Predictably, after the third or fourth, there's an "Uh oh". He puts the shoe down and gets back into bed. Etc]

previous night, the script was this:
[Everyone in the room in bed, asleep or near sleeping. Lights out. Crazy ROOMMATE is fluttering about. Goes out and slams the door shut behind him. Comes back, australian roommate shouts at him:
AUSTRALIAN ROOMMATE: Can you please stop slamming the fucking door?
ROOMMATE: [Pause] I don't think that was me.
ROOMMATE: [Ev